I went into Kentucky Fried Chicken the other day with one of my oldest friends who happens to be mixed race. He's got about four different ethnic backgrounds so I guess has a complexion that could be described as “otherly” if viewed through the lense of white Britishness.
And there was a young lad behind the counter – a young British asian lad - and he completely ignored me and looked straight at my friend and said, “Mate, are you a muslim?"
Now my friend - he’s not a muslim - he’s an atheist.
And of course Islam is nothing to do with skin colour or race - it’s just a set of ideas.
So my friend said “No.”
And the guy behind the counter shook his head and said, “That’s a shame, cos if you was a muslim every time you come in here? I'd give you free chips…”
“Seriously bruv – free chips…”
Now there were two things that struck me about this interaction:
One - it made me realise how ambiguous my friend’s face was that people could project whatever they wanted onto it.
Two - here was a guy working in KFC whose faith in the fundamental teachings of his own prophet was so low that he believed the only way he could win someone over and get them to embrace one of the world’s great monotheistic religions - was with the offer of some free chips. The offer of salvation alone was not enough - but some free chips would tip the balance.
Anyway, we both converted to Islam and we’ve been getting free chips ever since.
Up until a couple of weeks ago - when a little Sikh guy took over.
Lee Kern Substack is a reader-supported publication. Subscribe to receive new articles. A paid subscription is the most loving.
If offered chips, fresh from the fryer, on Yom Kippur, I would convert to Islam and eat them. But seriously, I am here in the colonies, and I have a brother-in-law who is half German, and a quarter each African and Cherokee (the Cherokee owned African slaves, whom they often freed and welcomed into their nation, so this mixture is not uncommon). But I think I do understand what you mean by people who can have almost any ethnic identity projected onto them. Now, my mother is ethnically German, and she has a brother who is, shall I say, 'proud' of his identify. My sister had been married before, to a man of Italian and Irish heritage, but sadly the marriage did not last. So, at her second wedding, in front of my uncle, I made it a point to say (rather audibly, too) that "thank goodness this time she's marrying a German." My dear uncle has not spoken to me since.
ISLAM AND CHIPS
Have you converted to Sikhism now?
My dear Mr. Kern,
If offered chips, fresh from the fryer, on Yom Kippur, I would convert to Islam and eat them. But seriously, I am here in the colonies, and I have a brother-in-law who is half German, and a quarter each African and Cherokee (the Cherokee owned African slaves, whom they often freed and welcomed into their nation, so this mixture is not uncommon). But I think I do understand what you mean by people who can have almost any ethnic identity projected onto them. Now, my mother is ethnically German, and she has a brother who is, shall I say, 'proud' of his identify. My sister had been married before, to a man of Italian and Irish heritage, but sadly the marriage did not last. So, at her second wedding, in front of my uncle, I made it a point to say (rather audibly, too) that "thank goodness this time she's marrying a German." My dear uncle has not spoken to me since.