I'M THE GUY RESPONSIBLE FOR STOPPING YOUR PLANE CRASHING

Last year I flew by plane to Los Angeles.

Despite the engines, despite the wings, despite the science, despite the pilot and despite their training – the only thing that kept that plane in the air was me concentrating very hard for the entire journey, praying that we wouldn’t crash and die.

And it succeeded.

Did I get a round of applause when we landed? No. Did anyone get me something from duty free as a thank you? No. But I did it anyway.

This is a service I provide whenever I fly. I will sweat, worry, panic and think we’re going to tumble out of the sky when the engine noise changes, and remain rigidly tense with a terrified grin on my face, because that level of concentration is single-handedly keeping the plane in the air.

Have I ever received a thank you letter from British Airways, Easyjet or El Al? No.

But I’m the guy who stops your plane from crashing when you go on vacation. Feel free to capture those happy memories by having your photo taken with me as tears stream down my face…